Books by Sarnia: diaries

The Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries.
Chapter 31: The Bath of Divine Recovery
Dearest Reader,It is with some embarrassment and no small measure of triumph that I pen this latest entry, for I have just emerged from a most restorative bath. Nay, not an ordinary bath of lukewarm water and soap as may suffice for the commonfolk, but one befitting a Countess of my grandeur and refinement—a bath of virgin asses’ milk infused with crushed petals of Damask roses and a sprinkling of golden saffron threads. Such extravagance may be unthinkable to those with lesser ambitions, but my skin, glowing like moonlight on a silver goblet, declares it an investment well spent.The setting for this indulgence was, of course, the private Bathing Chamber of Providence Palace. I must make it clear, lest rumors begin to spread, that this chamber is discreetly hidden away, separated by a thick oaken door from the Great Hall, where preparations for tomorrow's festival are underway. As I reclined amidst the frothy luxury, the distant sound of workers hammering, hoisting, and chattering was barely a murmur, a background symphony to my repose.It is curious how one’s genius often blooms in the most unlikely places. Amidst the milk and roses, I conceived of tomorrow’s grand introduction for a certain performance artist—a lady who, with a commendable spirit of innovation, has fused the art of sewing with the thunderous beats of DJ decks. This fusion of needle and note shall, I am sure, leave my guests astounded. However, I shan't reveal more now, for I delight in the surprise of my audience almost as much as I delight in their adoration of me.As I soaked, I reflected on the chaos of the week past. Chief among the calamities was the disappearance of Girl Cat, my most delicate and beloved feline companion. When she went missing, I confess my vanity was slightly bruised—imagine the ignominy of the Countess scouring the streets like a common milkmaid, crying out for her pet! Yet, such was my devotion that I lowered myself to the task. When news came that she had been found lounging in a nearby garden, filthy but unharmed, I was overwhelmed with a joy so potent I nearly swooned. Naturally, I offered her rescuers the honor of attending tomorrow's festivities with a drink on me—an act of generosity that will no doubt become legendary in its retelling.Girl Cat, now restored to her rightful place in the palace, remains in a foul temper. Boy Cat, ever the shameless rogue, continues to sniff about her with unseemly enthusiasm, earning himself nothing but hisses and scratches for his trouble. I suspect her recent adventure has left her feeling unappreciated, for she glares at me with an expression that suggests I ought to apologize for her mischief. Alas, the life of a Countess is one of constant misunderstanding, even by one’s own cats.Tomorrow promises to be a day of much revelry, with performances and debates in the afternoon followed by a raucous party in the evening. I am especially keen for the latter, for I have endured a week of unrelenting toil. The palace staff, though well-meaning, are as clumsy as untrained mules, and I have had to intervene in nearly every detail of the preparations. By eight o'clock tomorrow, I shall be well fortified with vodka and ready to dance with all the grace and vigor that my exquisite form allows. My guests shall marvel, as always, at how I manage to be both the life of the party and its most alluring ornament.Ah, but I must leave you now, dear reader, for the saffron has done its work, and my skin positively glows. I am certain tomorrow will bring triumphs to add to the legend of Providence Palace, as well as stories to delight you in future entries. Until then, I remain, as ever, your devoted and radiant Countess.Yours in beauty and brilliance,Pasha du Valentine, Countess of Brighton and Hackney

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The Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries Chapter 31

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